My Blog

Dear Die-ary

Since I’m fucking sentimental I decided I wanted to come back here. I realized something today, and becuase of that I feel like crying. I don’t know, it’s just that everything was so god damn okay but it had to happen. I can’t believe that Johnny the Homicidal Maniac can be so right… I just can’t fucking believe. I knew it, I should have never left my room. I should’ve never left that place, it hurts so much. It  was so unfair, really unfair and I can’t believe that I just… did it to myself. And now Radiohead is playing in my mind taking it over, repeating the lyrics… ‘You did it to yourself… that’s what really hurts…’

I am such a fucking hypocrite.

I really am.

I don’t believe in anything anymore.

I just don’t want to grow up.

I’m so scared of people now, its like I don’t want to trust anyone anymore. Why is that? I used to eat lunch by bushes and pretend no one was on the other side. And I was so happy because of that. I really was, I know how it feels to be so lonely but still not care what everyone thinks of you. Nobody liked my in first grade, they thought I was insane and would never talk to me. THey wouldn’t even look at me and I thought that was okay. But I had to go Assumption and feel so fucking… happy. I don’t want to have happy for such a period of time. I don’t want that. I’d rather be deprived of something I can never reach so that I wouldn’t have to cry for more of the forbidden fruit.

I fucking hate feeling like this. It’s… weird.